The art of letting go
Letting go is definitely something we all have to learn and practice continuously throughout our life. It is from letting go of very small little things that hold us back in our day to day life to a more deeply attached things either a relationship or a story. Starting to meditate regularly seven years ago, I also started to learn the art of letting go in my daily practice. And I have to say it has changed my life ever since. It does not mean I live my life in joy and happiness everyday effortlessly. It actually means that I choose to live my life in joy and happiness with deliberate actions and behaviors. Every time when I need to let go of something, it is still very challenging. But with many practices, I understand that it is only for my own freedom and inner peace, then letting go feels more like a victory than a failure. And if we think deeper about it neither victory or failure is good or bad. Victory could become an attachment. Failure could become the fuel and foundation for success. None of them is long lasting. We often hear people says " you will feel better", " time heals all wounds", " it shall pass". These are all so true, but when we are deeply in grief and anger, we don't feel like we could believe in that yet. And I am telling you that is okay too. Overtime, I have learned that it is important to allow myself to feel all the emotions before being able to actually let go. It is, in fact, part of the process of letting go. So now, I would like to present to you my step by step of letting go:
1. Allow yourself to feel the negative emotions. Allow them to flow. You don't need to label them as bad. They are simply useful navigators for you to be able to change direction when things don't work out. So take sometime to grieve, to feel angry, to feel sad.
2. Be kind to yourself. Allow yourself to feel sad does not mean talking to yourself with negative language like "you suck", "you are loser",... Instead, it is crucial to be kind and loving to yourself. Treat yourself like you treat a younger sibling or a dear friend who is going through hard time. Use loving language to yourself like "you are loved", " I am always here for you", " you are worthy". Be kind to yourself in terms of self-talk and self-care.
3. Accept that you might not get an apology or a response, or whatever you expect. Accept that you cannot change the situation, you cannot control what is happening outside of you. And that is totally okay. That is very normal. Things aren't going our ways just because we want them to. It is not bad luck. It simply means that it is time to change direction. The situation has become a great valuable lesson for you.
4. Accept the offer to create the change. It is you who are the architect of your life. In step 3, you realize that it is impossible to control what is happening outside you. This step, you know that it is all about what is inside you. You have choices to make to whether continuing to give the power away to the situation or take back your power to control how you react, how you make decision, how you live your life,... there are so much you could do in within your power. So why not focus on this rather than focus on what others think about you whether if they still love you, or what the situation could turn in to from the other side of the story.
5. Take time to celebrate how you write the ending of this particular story of your life. You are going through tough time and you are learning so much about yourself, about how to evoke the inner peace and happiness that are already inside of you.
These 5 steps are something I always use in any situation. I would like to share with you a letting go story of mine - my breakup story with someone I truly cared about.
It was over two years ago when this person broke up with me. We had been together on and off for over a year before this point and it seemed quite an unhealthy relationship for the both of us. So it was a great call. I knew it was a good decision but I couldn't help feeling very sad. I was sad and cried a lot on the week before we breaking up and also on the day when we decided to stop seeing each other as lovers. I had to say all that crying was good. I allowed myself to mourn the relationship as much as it needs to til the point when I decided to accept that this relationship is no longer serving me and I need to let it go. I decided to celebrate the ending of this relationship and the starting of a new relationship that I formed with my new born self. I went the extra mile to create a beautiful ceremony for the celebration. I put on music, meditate, journal, create art to honor this experience. It all comes back to self love. I understood that when I truly love and honor myself, I didn't want me to suffer through things that no longer add any value to my life. After my celebration, I truly felt deliberated for that whole day. The next day arrived with the same sadness of the breakup. But I got the feeling of my own inner peace and deliberation the day before to support me. Things got easier and easier every time when I know what my soul wants for me and I trust that wisdom wholeheartedly. I had to say that was the most beautiful breakup amongst all the others I have up to that point. It is simply because it helped me to redirect and be at where I am right now. Few months later, I met my partner who I love so much and also love me dearly. My breakup taught me how to truly love myself and also love others. It really taught me how to love.
So that is one of my letting go stories. I would love to hear about yours. Send me an email to email@example.com. Also follow our community podcast WeMeditate on Spotify where I will share some stories like this. The podcast is brand new and I would like to invite you all to help me building it and our community of like minded people, who meditate, eat well, sleep well and live well.